


A Gift For a Rabbit

by Chippa



Category: Raffles (TV 1977), Raffles - E. W. Hornung
Genre: Crack, Innuendo, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-02 14:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20277163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chippa/pseuds/Chippa
Summary: Raffles has a gift for his Rabbit - it's not quite what Bunny expected.





	A Gift For a Rabbit

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting a birthday themed fic to celebrate the fact that Anthony Valentine would have been 80 on the 17th of August.
> 
> Unfortunately I have to work tomorrow so I'm posting it now. (Technically it's August 17th as it's after midnight in the UK) :)
> 
> Unfortunately (again), writing in the style of Hornung was rather daunting so you're stuck with this cracky nonsense - sorry.

A GIFT FOR A RABBIT.

FADE IN:

EXTERIOR. LONDON STREET AROUND 2AM. 

RAFFLES: “Bunny, for heavens sake slow down – there isn’t any hurry”.

BUNNY: “But Raffles, we have to get you home”.

RAFFLES: “I know we do my Rabbit, but why the rush?”

BUNNY: “That should be obvious”.

RAFFLES: “Not to me”.

BUNNY: “Because Raffles, you seem to have misplaced your trousers”!

***********************************************

INTERIOR. BUNNYS FLAT IN MOUNT STREET.

RAFFLES: “Push, push harder”

BUNNY: “It’s no good Raffles, we’ve been trying for 20 minutes. It just won’t go in”.

RAFFLES: “Of course it will Bunny, you just have to try harder”.

BUNNY: “I am trying. I’m telling you, there is no way to fit this in the place you want it”.

RAFFLES: “Maybe if we jiggle it a bit”…

BUNNY: …“Raffles, it really isn’t going to work”.

RAFFLES: “We can do this. Try moving to the left a bit”.

BUNNY: “I’ll try, but there isn’t much room”.

RAFFLES: “I have faith in you my Rabbit”. Now slip it up and twist it”.

BUNNY: “I’m not a contortionist!”

RAFFLES: “You can do it; just a little further and it’s in”.

BUNNY: “Thank heavens for that. I was sure it wouldn’t fit but you were right all along Raffles”.

RAFFLES: “Aren’t I always my Rabbit?”

BUNNY: “…”

RAFFLES: “Whatever is that look for?”

BUNNY: “Oh nothing. I’m just wondering why you chose to steal a life size statue of yourself and insist I have it in my bedroom”?

RAFFLES: “Well isn’t it obvious. Wasn’t it only last week you said you wished you could have me in your bedroom forever – well now you can”!

BUNNY: “I’d much rather have the real thing. Although I can see one advantage the faux Raffles has over the real one”.

RAFFLES: “Really Bunny and what might that be?”

BUNNY: “Well apart from the fact that he is a lot quieter, he’s also not wearing any trousers”.

FADE TO BLACK. SOUND OF CLOTHES HITTING CARPET.

RAFFLES’ VOICE (off-screen): “That can soon be remedied…”

**Author's Note:**

> No I don't know why there was a life size statue of Raffles hanging around, much less without trousers - I guess the cricket club must have wanted to honour him and hadn't finished dressing it.
> 
> I also have no idea why Raffles wishes to steal himself, other than to make Bunny happy.
> 
> I'm also aware that they would have no problem fitting this in the desired space but trying to fit a safe or a wardrobe through the door seemed a tad boring so blame it on artistic license! ;)


End file.
